Alex Klopp

For all the girls out there... Out of all my bro's i'm the best in the bed even when i'm the only one in it. I am now a senior. I wrestle, play football, and polevault in track. I live in Yuma Colorado. 4X time state place winner in wrestling. 1st, 4th, 2nd, 2nd 2x time state place winner in polevaulting and 4x qualifier. 4th, 3rd, and 3rd. PR:12'9 2x all conference in football as a corner. 40 REASONS TO DATE A WRESTLER!! 1. we can *manhandle*.. its what we do. 2. we are used to rollin around all sweaty. 3. we are used to wearing close to nothing at all. 4. we are comfortable enough to get naked infront of a room full of other people. 5. we can beat up your x's. 6. we are masters at riding hips. 7. three words say it all : Saturday Night Ride. 8. we have unbearable stamina. 9. we are flexible as shit. 10. we can go hard for hours at a time.. and recover within minutes. 11. we are buff and stuff. 12. we are always fatter then you are. 13. we are masters at leg riding. 14. we can pin you down easily. 15. we can diet with you. 16. we know more moves then kamasutra. 17. we can share spandex. 18. we are supurb with our hands. 19. we can obey and control. 20. we can roll you to your back in a moments notice. 21. we know how to cradle you. 22. we will ride your hips and if that doesnt work we will push your head down. 23. you will NEVER be on top. 24. if you shoot down on us we will sprawl out 25. we define *high crotch* 26. you will go down before we do 27. if we force you down we will do it softly 28. so there is no such thing as *foul play* 29. when we 'sit in the chair' you will go down 30. we have one hell of a bear hug. 31. we can *switch* positions quickly 32. you will never complain to us for stalling. 33. you will start on your hands and knees, but we will put u on your back. 34. we will give you the choice: top, bottom, or standing. 35. we bleed as much as you do. 36. we will always gain control, no matter what position. 37. we can break a bone and keep going untill we are satisfied or time runs out. 38. we are used to full contact. 39. your tampons work wonders on a bloody nose. 40. we are used to listening to the other person moan in pain. THE TOP "10" REASONS TO DATE A FOOTBALL PLAYER 1) we ALWAYS hit hard 2) we like to PLAY in the mud 3) we "DONT" give up until the jobs done ...4) we have GOOD hands 5) we NEVER miss our targets 6) were USED to scoring 7) we COULD GO ALL THE WAY, except WE DO and WE WILL go ALL THE WAY!! 8) we KNOW when to get rough 9) we always have GREAT stamina 10) we ALWAYS have protection on Ten Reasons to date a Polevautler 1. We get high on fiberglass 2. The stiffer the pole, the better the ride 3. Bigger Poles, Better Penetration 4. Chick's dig big stick's 5. We put the Pole In the hole and Penetrate the Pit 6. Any girl can Dance on a pole... I can fly on mine 7. It takes a good plant to get high 8. Vaulters do it in the air 9. When we get high, our parents are proud. 10. Getting high is my anti-drug The Rules of Wedding Crashing: Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own. Rule #2: Never use your real name. Rule #3: Never confess. Rule #4: No one goes home alone. Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher. Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms. Rule #7: Blend in by standing out. Rule #8: Be the life of the party. Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in. Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies. Rule #11: Sensitive is good. Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something. Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate - console them. Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin. Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth. Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree. Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night. Rule #18: You love animals and children. Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it. Rule #20: The older the better, the younger the better (See rule below) Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's 18. Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime. Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around. Rule #24: If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run. Rule #25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant. Rule #26: Of course you love her. Rule #27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close. Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar. Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again. Rule #30: Know the playbook so you can call an audible. Rule #31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know. Rule #32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse. Rule #33: Never go back to your place. Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise. Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers. Rule #36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient". Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher. Rule #38: Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement. Rule #39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor. Rule #40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet." Rule #41: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun. Rule #42: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing. Rule #43: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after, but don't talk about it. Allude to it. Then walk away, She'll follow. Rule #44: Always remember your fake name! Rule #45: The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising." Rule #46: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church. Rule #47: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiance. Rule #48: Always work the following into a conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?" Rule #49: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women. Rule #50: Always pull out in time. Rule #51: Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today. Rule #52: Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary. Rule #53: Avoid virgins. They're too clingy. Rule #54: If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle Ned. Everyone has an Uncle Ned. Rule #55: Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up. Rule #56: When seeing a rival crasher, do not interact. Merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on. Rule #57: The Ferrari's in the shop. Rule #58: If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield. Rule #59: No "chicken dancing" - no exceptions. Rule #60: When crashing out of state, request permission from a local Wedding Crasher chapter. Rule #61: No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy. Rule #62: Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm. Rule #63: Always save room for cake. Rule #64: When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island. Rule #65: Smile! You're having the time of your life. Rule #66: Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past. Rule #67: No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better. Rule #68: Two shut-outs in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is getting in the way of my happiness? Rule #69: Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more. Rule #70: Studies show that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big yield. Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion! Rule #72: In case of emergency, refer to the playbook. Rule #73: Gilrs in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up. Rule #74: Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a minimum. Rule #75: Carry extra protection. Rule #76: The unmarried female rabbi - is she fair game? Of course she is. Rule #77: The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served dinner first. Rule #78: Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life. Rule #79: Occasionally bring a real gift. You're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender. Rule #80: Always think ahead, but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind. Rule #81: Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions. Rule #82: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder. Rule #83: Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not cool, not effective. Rule #84: Shoes say a lot about a man. Rule #85: Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend. Rule #86: You're from out of town. ALWAYS. Rule #87: Know something about the place you say you are from. Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems to work. Rule #88: Of course you dream of one day having children. Rule #89: Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot she is. Rule #90: Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and vice-versa. Rule #91: Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape. Rule #92: Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors. Rule #93: Try not to show off on the dance floor. That means you Jeremy. Rule #94: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned, it's sexy. Rule #95: Catholic weddings - the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony, horny girls. Rule #96: The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully. Rule #97: Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best. Rule #98: Save the tuxes for "the big show" only. Rule #99: Avoid women who were psychology majors in college. Rule #100: No periwinkle colored ties, please. Rule #101: Always have an early "appointment" the next morning. Rule #102: Be well groomed and well-mannered. Rule #103: Never cockblock a fellow crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest is okay. Rule #104: Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy for later. Rule #105: Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating. Rule #106: Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around. Rule #107: Always carry an assortment of placecards to match any wedding design. Rule #108: Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too. Rule #109: Never reveal your true identity. Rule #110: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket.